


leave me behind

by CiaranthePage



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (that era), Assisted Suicide, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, The Stolen Century, Vomiting, Zombie Apocalypse, a little bit of blupjeans but not enough to tag it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 18:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11788551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CiaranthePage/pseuds/CiaranthePage
Summary: Lup’s head slumped to the side, revealing the dripping bite on her shoulder. Dark blood was splattered across her neck and hair, tinting the fiery red she’d dyed it this cycle with a sickening purple. He choked on a breath, hunching his shoulders and straining to keep himself from sobbing. Gods, he wanted so badly to be angry at her for her actions, but at the moment he only wanted to stop seeing his sister covered in blood and no longer breathing.It should have been me!he screamed inside his head.She’s more useful once we’ve got the Light, and she’s got that thing with Barry going on, that's going so well --





	leave me behind

**Author's Note:**

> i'll have fluff for y'all eventually, i promise, i'm just. really sad a lot and i couldn't get the image of taako clutching lup's body and screaming at his friends to leave him for dead out of my head and it became this  
> so uh. thanks for checking this out, sorry for more angst : P

This zombie land had been hell, and as far as he was concerned, this was the _last fucking straw_.Taako felt his back ache from being curled around Lup for so long, skin sticky from her blood and his wrist aching from keeping her wrists against his chest so she couldn't claw his face off when the mushroom spores got into her bloodstream and reactivated her body. Tears were leaking down his face, colored pink and brown with blood and dust, but his expression was only white-hot fury, hiding the guilt slowly poisoning his ability to reason. His thoughts were racing, unable to let go of the events that had led up to this. Why had she jumped in front of him? Why had she thought that casting Fireball at her _own fucking feet_ was a good idea?! Okay, sure, the zombies were gone, but she'd still gotten bit and her legs had been burnt so bad she couldn't stand, in the end. They were painful to look at, the edges of her robe shredded and burnt enough to reveal the white welts rising across the surface of her thighs.

 

Taako'd been at her side the second the fireball had faded enough for Magnus to let him go, but it'd been too late by then. He hadn't left her body since, even at the insistence of his crewmates. They just wanted to get back to the Starblaster and make a new plan of attack.

 

Davenport stepped forward, saying, "Taako, you're being ridiculous. Just come back with u --"

 

"No!" Taako screamed, scrambling another few feet away from his crewmates. "You can't fucking make me!"

 

Barry and Lucretia exchanged a glance, looking almost defeated. For a second, he wondered if they'd actually leave him. He'd been begging them too since Lucretia had told him that using up medical supplies on Lup when she was already so far gone was useless; he'd lost Lup in the two previous cycles -- though this was the first time he’d been able to hold her after she’d died -- and he didn't want to sit through another six months without her. He'd lost her before, but each time hurt worse than the last, and three cycles in a row had pushed him to his limit. It was too much to do alone. He couldn't, he wouldn't, and he'd told them that plainly. The only thing stopping them was, apparently, they "cared about him too much" to let him sit and grieve until Lup or another zombie came and tore his throat out.

 

He silently prayed that they would. Lucretia had already given up on her attempts to remind him that Lup would be back after the Hunger came, which wasn't far away if their estimates were right. No one had spoken since his last outburst. A sick sense of peace started to flood him, maybe they would leave him --

 

Magnus suddenly lunged at him, grabbing Taako by the arms and trying to tug him backward toward the rest of the crew. He apologized several times, saying, "It's for your own good, Taako, just let her go!" as Taako struggled and jabbed at him, clinging to her body.

 

"Let _me_ go! I'll come back, too, just fucking -- let go of me, Magnus!" Taako cried, finally mustering up a free hand and casting a slightly restrained Shocking Grasp on Magnus's arm.

 

Magnus staggered backward, biting his lip to muffle a scream and cradling his wound as he backed away. There were tears in the corners of his eyes, and the expression on his face as he looked to the others for backup was almost haunting. Taako knew Magnus was kind of a softie when it came to the crew, but he already felt guilty enough about Lup and Magnus had the nerve to look like a kicked puppy. Taako refused to look at his crewmates at all, just watched his filthy tears drip off his face and onto the remains of Lup’s robe.

 

Taako let his grip slack and Lup’s body rest completely in his lap. His body was trembling from the sheer amount of energy he’d expended in the last twenty-four hours, making him want to vomit. Despite being a cantrip, shocking Magnus had taken almost all of his remaining energy; maybe he’d just pass out from overexertion and they’d be forced to leave him for dead. _That’d work_ , he thought.

 

Lup’s head slumped to the side, revealing the dripping bite on her shoulder. Dark blood was splattered across her neck and hair, tinting the fiery red she’d dyed it this cycle with a sickening purple. He choked on a breath, hunching his shoulders and straining to keep himself from sobbing. Gods, he wanted so badly to be angry at her for her actions, but at the moment he only wanted to stop seeing his sister covered in blood and no longer breathing. _It should have been me!_ he screamed inside his head. _She’s more useful once we’ve got the Light, and she’s got that thing with Barry going on, that's going so well --_

 

Her hands twitched in his lap, making him grow still, breath freezing in his chest. His instincts told him to run before she came back, but he couldn’t move. His muscles were too stiff and tired, and some dark part of him started to get excited. If she bit him, his crew would _have_ to leave him behind. Merle wasn’t around to heal bites, anymore; they could stay behind together and he wouldn’t have to sit through the next few months without her since he’d be dead! They could wander off, find the Merle zombie out in the wasteland, it’d be great! A smile started to creep across his face, his sleepless and mourning mind latching onto the idea like a lifeline.

 

Except as Lup lunged at him, eyes blank and bleeding, someone had already wrapped their arms around him to pin his own to his sides and yanked him away. Magnus had taken advantage of Taako getting distracted, and was starting to shout, “Go, go, go! I’ve got him!”

 

Taako started screaming profanities in every language he knew, all the spells he had left in him fizzling at his fingertips and leaving them black and raw. Magnus managed to ignore him enough to start following the others back toward the ship, apologizing every so often. Taako eventually gave up, the world going black around him as he went slack in Magnus’s grip. He’d had enough for one day.

 

When he woke up, he was on the ground, covered with a large red cloth (Lup’s robe, he realized as the smell of blood and rot washed over him). He was facing a rocky overhang, and from behind him, he heard the sounds of low voices and a crackling fire. He could pick out the voices: Lucretia talking in nervous snippets, Davenport’s low frustration, Magnus sounding more tired and upset than he had in at least four or five cycles… Wait, he didn’t hear Barry. Where was he?

 

Taako sat up, clutching the robe and keeping it tight around his shoulders.  He found Barry sitting on the overhang, legs dangling, turning something over in his hands.

 

“Oh, hey Taako,” he said, voice hushed. “Hope you don’t mind the robe. They said it was kinda gross, but we were already going back for her, and… I figured she’d want you to have it.”

 

“...thanks,” Taako mumbled.

 

For a moment, they fell into silence, staring at each other with dull eyes and waiting for someone to say something. Barry looked like he was trying to hide something; Taako just felt sick. He didn’t want to be here, he should have just been left for dead. Barry looked almost as though he suspected as much but didn’t want to bring it up. Both of them broke the stare, going back to their own laps.

 

A thought crept into Taako’s still scrambled brain, and it felt like the world was lit up again. A quick glance backward told him the others were some distance away, and not paying any attention to him or Barry.

 

“Barry.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Kill me.”

 

Barry’s eyes went wide, snapping up to look at Taako. His fingers stopped fiddling with whatever he was holding, letting the object fall into his lap. “Wh-what?”

 

“Kill. Me,” Taako repeated, burying his fingers into the robe until his knuckles went white and ignoring the pain in his spell-burnt fingertips. “I don’t care how. Unload three Magic Missiles in my face, rot my heart and throw me to the zombies, fucking steal Mags’s ax and cut me straight down the middle, I don’t give a shit. Just kill me, Barry, _please_.”

 

He could see himself in Barry’s glasses, and his reflection was pitiful at best. His hair was stained with rot and tangled into a rat’s nest, the sides covered in dirt from sleeping on the ground. His eyes were still teary, red around the edges and completely without life. He looked about as desperate as someone begging for death could be. Probably looked even worse from the outside, even.

 

Barry stared at Taako, silently running through his options, for a minute and a half. He looked down at his own hands and swallowed. “Taako, you can’t be serious. I can’t -- we need you, Taako, and I know you miss her and it hurts but I’m not going to kill you! You’re my fri--”

 

“Barry, this is the third goddamn cycle in a row. I can’t do this again. Kill me yourself or I swear to Pan I’ll do it.”

 

Bringing Pan into it _might_ have been too far, Taako realized. Merle had died a few days before Lup did (how long it’d been since then, he didn’t know) and the wound still stung. But he didn’t bother taking it back.

 

Barry brushed it aside, saying, “She wouldn’t want you to --”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

The retort came out more venomous that he’d intended, and Barry started to look _scared_. That was two crewmates he’d hurt directly, now, but he was too tired to feel guilty about it. Scaring him, though, had apparently been the ticket, as Barry sighed in defeat. “I-I dunno if I can, Taako, but once we get back…I. I guess I can try? Just… please, Taako, reconsider this.”

 

“Not gonna happen, Barry. But fine, I can wait.”

 

In actuality, he had no plans to wait, but just as he tensed to bolt off into the light of the rising sun, a soft cough caught his attention. Lucretia was standing just behind them, now, and for a hot second, Taako was paralyzed by the thought that she’d overheard. “Do you need any patching up? I thought I’d ask, since you’re awake, now…” Lucretia said.

 

Taako relaxed. Maybe she hadn’t heard. “I’m good,” Taako said, trying to seem nonchalant. “Nothing a nap in an actual bed and probably a night or two of gettin’ drunk can’t solve.”

 

Lucretia winced; she was pointedly looking away from Lup’s robe, Taako noticed. “We’re another half an hour or so away,” she said. “Do you want to walk?”

 

Taako shrugged and let his expression fall into more of a painful grin, joking as well as he could, “Sure. N-not like I’ve lost the use of my legs, haha.” The follow-up laugh was pitiful, more of a sob than anything, but Lucretia tried for a weak smile anyway.

 

She left without another word. Barry looked at Taako, who looked back and dropped the fake smile, glaring at him with his lips drawn in a thin line. Barry swallowed, nodding in understanding.

 

The walk to the ship was silent. No one wanted to be the one to open the can of worms, for obvious reasons. Taako attempted a quick apology to Magnus for shocking him; Magnus brushed it off with an “I get it, I scared you.” Everyone dispersed once they were back onboard, silence settling over the halls.

 

Taako made a beeline for Lup and Barry’s room. He curled up under the robe on Lup’s bed, shutting his eyes tight and taking a few moments to let himself pretend she was just out on a mission, that she’d be home soon, that he wasn’t covered in her blood. The illusion was interrupted by the door sliding open, and even without looking Taako knew it was Barry who had come in.

 

“If you wanna get it over with now, go ahead,” Taako mumbled, not opening his eyes or looking back. “Drag my body back to my room -- now, throw it over the side later tonight. If they ask, tell ‘em I did it on my own.”

 

“Taako, are. Are you really sure?”

 

“Dead serious, Barry. Please just _do it_ already.”

 

Taako heard him take a deep breath, and then a hand pressed between his shoulder blades. The feeling of rot spread through his organs, making his lungs collapse in on themselves and his intestines settle into a pile of mush. Taako was out in a fraction of a second; Barry pulled away, canceling the rest of his Finger of Death to keep Taako from becoming a zombie. After taking a second to calm down, Barry followed his suggestion, levitating his body up to the deck and dropping the spell without looking once he was over the side of the ship.

 

Barry threw up several times after coming back into the ship (once on the stairs, twice in the bathroom); luckily the others simply chocked it up to the same surprise that they felt.

 

The year came to a silent close, and with the Light on board, they drove off without even a silent goodbye. The reset settled over the ship, and without a moment’s hesitation the twins found each other and were hugging, Lup apologizing and Taako insisting she didn’t need to. They stuck a bit closer than usual for the next few days as they circled the new plane, eventually calming down and going back to their usual duties.

 

With everything settled, they both approached Barry; Lup found it strange that Taako was coming with her, but didn’t comment on it.

 

Lup took Barry’s hands in her own and took a second to make sure he was doing okay and shoot a quick apology for dying so soon after their “talk” (Taako held onto that comment). Once she’d finished, she turned to Taako.

 

“Meet you in the kitchen?” she said. _We’ll talk later?_

 

“Eventually,” Taako mumbled. _Right after this._

 

Lup left, and for a second Taako and Barry stood in silence. “Thanks,” Taako said, sighing. “And, uhh. Sorry for getting you caught up in my hysterics, or whatever. Can’t say the end result would’ve been different if I hadn’t roped you into helping but… I shouldn’t have asked in the first place.”

 

Barry let that sit in the air for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Yeah, it hadn’t been pleasant to cast Finger of Death on his friend (his future brother-in-law) or to then drop him off the side of the Starblaster, but… “It’s alright,” he settled on. “I get it.”

 

“Agree to… never talk about that again?”

 

“Yeah. That’s probably a good idea.”

 

“See ya around, Barold.”


End file.
